Saturday Morning and Austin
seemed limitless. No, I didn't have tickets to ACL, and no, I didn't have tickets
to the OU game in Dallas, but in a town like Austin there's always something to
do. This weekend it was to be Ditch the Fest-Fest and Party World Rastlin' in
the evening. A day of excitement, a day of adventure, or so I thought.
I loaded my darling wife's
derriere onto my motorcycle and away we went. Ditch The Fest here we come! A
few years ago we went to the first fest with fine friends of ours. We didn't
really know Mitch and Robyn at the time, but after three hours of fierce dance
moves and a few bottles of Mitch's homebrew, we were the fastest of friends.
All this factored into my expectations. Hopes were high. All the better to be
crushed.
We parked in the middle of
deserted downtown Austin (take all the music lovers and Texas Longhorns
fanatics out of Austin and there's hardly enough people left to fill Whole Foods)
and headed to the Empire Control Room. Hipster Bouncer at the door, teal tiny
brimmed hat, shirt from a band too cool for me to have ever heard of, pants
that would fit spider man.
“Hey” he said, by way of
greeting.
I handed him $10 and began to
babble, About the bands, about the weather, about the lack of anyone inside the
Empire Control room.
“ID?” he said and I provided it,
as did my wife. Enter we did, into this deserted, hot and soulless place, only
to be stopped.
“It's $10 each.”
Hmmm? I raised my eyebrows. I had
been afraid of this. Last weekend it has said $5, but a last minute check on
facebook said $10. Now, I hate to be cheap, but then, we all have our flaws.
Ten Dollars...each? It's three in
the afternoon!
“It's after two… man”
His mathematical prowess amazed
me.
Yeah, but no one's here! And
there's not even any music playing! I stammered.
That I wanted to pay five
dollars for this empty music-less event didn't even cross my mind.
“Next band goes on in a minute.
He just gave the two minute warning.”
The two minute warning? Was the
next performance truly so unlistenable the audience had to be warned? No, I
told myself, No! It seemed far more likely that this, non-ACL attending,
televised sports snubbing snob had been infiltrated by that cultural behemoth
that is UT athletics. I pled my case.
Come on dude, it was $5 last
weekend, there's no one here. I just wanna drink a beer and hang out for a few
hours.
“Not my problem… bro.”
I looked to Raquel, she had fire
in her eyes. I turned back to the bouncer with a smile.
Man this place sucks! You guys
sold out! Just like ACL, raising prices every chance you get, why I remember
back in my day when it was free, and you guys had actual music playing,
well-I-swear-I-do! Boy howdy, why I used to walk here and dance home! You kids! You
kids and your festivals.
I rambled and snorted as we
walked off. Happy to have my $10 back and happier still to be driving away from
the hip hop artist hyping a crowd of one bouncer. Probably should've
stayed, it looked pretty damn exclusive.
Still, I can't stand the rising
prices. Next year I might have to start my own alternative music festival. I'll
call it “Ditch the 'Ditch-The-Fest-Fest' Festival.” It'll be free! And BYOB,
and a CD player, and maybe some of my friends on acoustic mandolin. They're not
popular but only because no one gets them man. We'll be clean, and pure, and
alternative! Until I can find a way to make money off of it.
We hung out at this place in evening last week before heading out to our next destination. While we were at event space Chicago here we found the service to be quick and attentive. Probably because it was early on a Friday and it was still kind of empty.
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